If Only
by RiaVicto
Summary: Semi AU. A "What if". Based in episode 2, would anything have changed if Finn had chose Rachel before he knew about the baby?
1. Chapter 1

I don't own anything apart from a whopping great student loan!

So please read up and review.

(Rated for saucy thoughts and possible future lemons... but that's really up to you guys)

Enjoy:

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Rachel's POV

It was the look on his face, the complete elation of being good, really good at something, that's what really made my heart melt. I mean, I'm not saying that that was the moment I knew Finn and I were meant to be together, because I've known that for some time now. But as my fingers whizzed up and down the scales and he was hitting every note, I was proud as punch. I see him looking at me you know, when I sing, and yesterday in celibacy club when I had my little outburst. I didn't mean to go there and show myself up, I never do really, I just don't see why my opinion is less important just because I'm the outsider or the minority. I see Finn looking at me because, the majority of the time I'm looking at him right back.

"Can we take a break? Singing makes me kinda hungry" Finn's voice was a little raw from practise, it gave him an edgy, gruffness to his usually silky tones, it was exciting. I directed him down to the picnic I had prepared. See, contrary to what you might think, this was not all some sort of lucid plan. I have been properly brought up to always be prepared and hospitable and pre-empting that Finn would want some sort of refreshment whilst rehearsing I thought it only proper to come equipped with a comfortable seating area and yummy snacks!

I wanted to know why he's asked me to be here with him this afternoon. I wasn't quite sure how to be around him after what I'd said. It's true though girls want sex just as much as guys, we just don't show it. Maybe this is why we don't tell, this akwardness, the elephant iin the room. Maybe now he knows that I want to have sex he doesn't like me because he thinks I just give it up to anyone! Or maybe that's the only reason he does like me because he thinks I'll give it up to him, now!

"Why did you ask me to help you?" Doing my best to be subtle.

"Because you're cool Rachel" My heart skipped a beat. He thinks I'm 'cool'. "I mean at first I thought you were kinda insane" This is what I dreaded, he carried on talking about how good he thought my singing was and mentioned my performance at the celibacy club, but my mind was screaming at me. I knew it, that stupid club, and then the dance routine in the assembly. My train of thought drifted a little as I remembered the feel of Finn between my thighs, my hands roaming up his chest, his muscles rippling beneath his shirt...

"Drink? They're virgin Cosmos" Maintaining my feigned nonchalance I pored us both a cup and mirroring eachother we each took a self conscience sip.

Before I knew it he reached over to wipe the Cosmo off of my lip, his thumb touching, gently caressing my skin, it tingled, electrifying like no other feeling I'd ever had. There was a moment of strained intensity. The electricity between us was unimaginable.

"You know, you can kiss me if you want to," the words came out before I'd even considered them. I'm not usually one for second guessing myself, but in this instance I think I would have. My brain raced as the seconds passed like minutes. _God say something, yes? no?_ His face is so pained, so, torn. Why am I doing this to him, I like him so much but I can't come between a boy and his girlfriend can I?

Slowly, excruciatingly so, he says, "I want to". My heart beat quick in my chest, hard against my ribs. He moved towards me. Our bodies were pressing against each other, his strong hands moved around and held me, guiding me down on the chequered picnic blanket. He kissed me, gently at first, looking deep into my eyes, and then again with more will. His soft lips on mine filled me with a passion I'd never felt before, not like the kind I get when I hear a song that's truly inspiring. A more fiery kind of passion, the kind that made me want to run my hands all over his body, the kind that made me ache for him to touch me too. It was terrifying but wonderful at the same time. His hand moved lower, tenderly stroking the line down my side to my waist, my hips.

He pulled away. _No!_ It was too soon, I felt cruelly robbed. A sound, a guttural primitive noise came from his throat. "Uh oh" he groaned.

"What!? Finn?" He jumped up mumbling apologies and left me on the auditorium stage alone with nothing but my shame and humiliation to keep me company.

On later analysis of that day I've come to terms with the fact that it was my fault. I pushed him, I seduced him unknowingly with my feminine whiles. I wanted him so much, like some sort of unwilling siren I called him to me. But of course he saw through it. He's in love with someone else. I know what happened in there was real, he has feelings for me too. But I'm just a freak in the glee club and Quinn, well she's Quinn Fabray. Why would anyone give that up for someone like me?

I am Rachel Berry. I do not need to become hung up on some guy, especially one who has a girlfriend. And one who only really likes me because due to recent events has come to the assumption that I am easy! No I am Rachel Berry and I have morals and standards. As long as Finn Hudson has a girlfriend then I will not pursue him any more. If he can't commit to me 100% then outside of glee club he does not exist to me!

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Updates will be up soon. Reviews please. Tell me what you like, don't like, what you'd love to see and hate to see. I'll do my best. Thank you so much reading. And I absolutely promise an update soon!


	2. Chapter 2

_JJ: Hello my lovelies! Shameless plug here to R+R, because you knows how much I likes it =p  
__I don't own anything, however I'd gladly take a bit o' the ol' Finny!_

_Enjoy_

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Finn's POV

The feel of Rachel's breath hot on my neck, quick and shallow from exertion. Her long beautiful legs wrapped around my waist. My hands touching her thighs, higher and higher. My heart is pounding as I watch her move up and down, up and down. She's smiles, a glorious, triumphant smile. I'm concentrating hard on the task at hand, she's on her hands and knees now, arm outstretched above her stroking my chest and stomach, my hands on her shoulders, her soft, soft neck.

Concentrate.

"Finn!"

"Huh, what?" I awake from my daze. It's Quinn, she's mad at me because I'm not listening to her. Ok, I know what you're thinking; I am such a perv, right? Well I apologise, but Rachel's hot, and she's so talented, and clever and beautiful and she looks at me like she's looking right... in to me. It's weird but I know I kinda like it. But she's messing with my head, not intentionally but I can't stop thinking about that dance we did for the assembly. "Push it" constantly rolls around my head. I can see her crawling towards me, I can feel her gyrating and thrusting... her head moving nearer and nearer to my...

"God you're still not listening to me!" Quinn is really mad now.

"No, I am, I am," I flash a cute smile and hope that will keep her off my back.

"Shut up Finn, I know that goofy look you keep doing. And you forget about it, after celibacy club this week, no way."

I really wish she hadn't mentioned that.

Mail man. Mail man!

"God Finn, you're an animal."

I'm having real trouble by the end of the day. I know that I'm supposed to be practising with Rachel after school but every time I look at her I have this insatiable urge to touch her, not like that, well not just like that. I just want to hold her or kiss her. When she walks by and I smell her perfume it's all I can do to stop myself following her down the corridor. I know Quinn's noticed too. I wonder if she knows it's not her that I was thinking about earlier. Oh god I feel so guilty, this is so not me. I've never looked at another girl the whole time I've been with Quinn. Ok it's only been 4 months but it's always been her ass or her boobs I picture, now it's Rachel and the feel of her hands on me and my... God, I'm a perv. I hate myself.

How did I let it get this far? When I asked for a break this is so not what I was thinking. When she asked me if I wanted some of the picnic I should have said, "No. Let's go get a burger; some where public, with witnesses." But I didn't and now she's looking all sexy and awkward. I think I hurt her feelings when I said I checked under the bed to see if she was there. That was stupid. I see a glint of Cosmo on her lip; my hand flies out completely on its own and wipes it away. Touching her skin is like a fire has been set off inside me, she's so soft. I drop my hand before I do something really dumb, like stroke her cheek, yeah that would be awesome... I could?

"You know, you can kiss me if you want," wait, what did she say?

Oh God, "I want to". She's waiting for me. It's like a magnet, I move in closer and our bodies lock together. We lie down on the blanket, Rachel's beneath me and it feels amazing, I touch her face, her neck, her waist. I kiss her, and it feels right, the more I kiss her the more I want to kiss her. Images fly around my head.

_The feel of Rachel's breath hot on my neck, quick and shallow from exertion. Her long beautiful legs wrapped around my waist. _

_My hands touching her thighs, higher and higher. My heart is pounding as I watch her move up and down, up and down. _

_On her hands and knees, one arm outstretched above her stroking my chest and stomach, my hands on her shoulders, her soft, soft neck._

Oh, god. Not again. Mail man.

"I'm sorry, Rachel, I... I can't. I really have to go." I ran out of there as quick as possible. What is this pull she has over me? I know it's not just the fact that my fantasies about her are way more graphic than I've ever had about Quinn. But that's just because Quinn's bargaining tool is letting me touch her boob over her shirt! I wonder what Rachel's feel like.

This is just ridiculous; I gotta get out of here.

The next day I was so nervous, I had no idea how Rachel was going to react. Will she say something to me? I don't want her to think that what happened means nothing to me, because I think I like her. She's hot, sure. I'm attracted to her, hell yeah. But, I think, it might be a little more than that.

However my worries were completely futile. The first time I saw her was in glee club a few days later, she had definitely been avoiding me. Rachel walked into practise carrying a huge batch of cookies with "I'm sorry" inscribed on them. They were for Mr Schuster, a couple of weeks earlier Rachel had spoken out about his choreography and now he hardly ever turned up to rehearsals and started focussing more on his own group, the Acafellas. It was pissing us all off, but I understood.

"Well of course he doesn't want anything to do with us, not after you kicked him in the nads!" I surprised myself by saying this. I didn't want to fight with her, but she was sulking about Mr Schue and had to be told. It wouldn't have been my first choice of things to say to her after what happened but I could hardly say something in front of the club anyway.

Rachel was mad. And everyone had started ganging up against me about getting some other guy in to help with the choreography. It was insane! I made a decision that I wasn't going to stand for this, and I had a feeling there was a bit more to what Rachel was saying than she was letting on. Santana pipes in and suggests voting on it. Of course I'm out voted. But I know what I have to do. I'm going to appeal to Rachel when we're alone. I want to talk about ...us, anyway; we have to know what's going on between us. I just wish I had something to contribute, I'm so confused.

After practise I followed her out into the corridor. Familiar feelings of longing started to creep back, but the most pressing matter was glee club. I never thought I'd say that.

"Hey wait up!"

Rachel's POV

I heard Finn's voice behind me, coming after me. "You can't do that to Mr Schuster" he called. This made me mad, I wasn't doing this _to_ anyone, I was doing it _for_ us!

"What, make him a hero!?" I demanded. "You heard Santana, it's all about winning." This sounded so much better in my head. I did really want to win, but that wasn't why people joined glee club, and Finn knew straight away I was lying.

"Since when!? Wait; is this one of those chick things where you pretend to be pissed about something when really it's about something else?" Finn stood directly in front of me, blocking my way further down the corridor. I couldn't believe the nerve of him. Sauntering around with his cliché bimbo blonde girlfriend. I hated him. But as he breathed heavily from chasing me, his chest pumped and I could see the definition of muscles beneath the flimsy material of his shirt. I love him.

Breaking myself out of the momentary gaze I looked him straight in the eye, "I have no idea what you're talking about".

"Well for a while there you were all over me. And now you just seem to yell at me, it kind makes me think you're angry about what happened in the auditorium." In Finn's defence he did look thoroughly shame faced; his cute little pout was obvious as he looked at the floor, hands in his pockets. He looked like a little boy. My instincts screamed to hug him, tell him everything's fine, kiss him...

"I'm fine...I've moved on." Well I never fancied myself as a liar, but there we were. As soon as the words slipped out he shot me a look so sincere it nearly knocked me flat. Shock, confusion... and what, regret?

Finn's POV

What? She's moved on, that's what she said right, I heard that right, she's moved on? We kissed _last week_ and she's moved on, so quickly? What the hell is that all about!? Well I haven't moved on. I've, well every night since I've... well let's just say I've been thinking a lot about that mail man lately.

"Rach?"

"What?"

"I haven't moved on." Rachel just stood there, for so long I swear it was like five whole minutes, but she just stood there, working out if I was serious, what I meant by that, I dunno. But it was five whole minutes of her looking at me with those beautiful brown eyes, her sweater hugging her body, her lips plump and inviting.

Rachel took a step forward and I became very aware that the bell had already rang and there was no one around. I stepped towards her. She craned her neck up to look at me, the movement arching her back a little; her breasts were no frustratingly close to my chest. She opened her mouth to say something but I couldn't let this moment go to waste. I leant down and wrapped my arms around her kissing her straight on the mouth. There was a second or two where I thought that this was a bad idea but then I felt her body relax into mine and she kissed my back. When I felt her tongue caress my lip my body responded on its own. We were up against the lockers, her hands grabbing at my shirt and tugging my hair. I'd never felt this way before, I needed her. I lifted her up and she quickly wrapped her legs around my waist without any hesitation. We were locked in a passionate kiss, tongues wrestling with each other. My hands willingly explored the contours of her perfect form.

Rachel broke the kiss and moved to my neck, nibbling it gently, kissing it, tracing perfect lines with her tongue across my skin.

"Ugh..." I could hardly breathe let alone speak. Swallowing hard, I tried again, "R-Rach-"

"Ahuh," she said not breaking away. The muffled sound of her voice did things to me. I pushed harder against the lockers, Rachel responded perfectly, thrusting back into me in return.

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Ooh cliff hanger. Sort of. I have an idea where to go from here, but I'd like your thoughts. So please review! I love to know what you're all thinking. And what you thought of this chapter. I wasn't sure about going back and doing it from Finn's POV, but i think there's something really sexy about being in our male leads head =p

Thank you for all the support so far. You guys are fantastic. I also really appreciate inspirational Fanfics. So if you're working on one or if you've found a really good Finchel one then please let me know as I think we can all appreciate the distinct lack of them out there!

Thanks again for sticking with me guys

Much Love, JJ x


	3. Chapter 3

**JJ:** Thank you so much for all the lovely reviews, you guys are my favourite.

I hasten to add however, I don't have a beta for this story so if there are any glaringly obvious mistakes in continuity, grammar, spelling etc pleeeease tell me so I can sort them out asap.

Well I think that's about it from me... yep, on with the story.

**Finn's POV**

I know looking back on it that I should have thought about Quinn, when I was holding Rachel on my arms and kissing her with all my heart. I know that that makes me not only a terrible boyfriend but a terrible person. But I'm not going to lie as well. I didn't think about Quinn, not once. All I was thinking about was how mad Rachel Berry makes me, how small and belittled I feel around her. How when I see her she can make me want to rip my own hair out just so that I have something else to do other than listen to her. But at the same time, I think I love her. Yep, that's the only conclusion I can come to. I love Rachel Berry. As well as all the horrible things I feel around her, she makes me feel needed and talented. I want to take off all her clothes and smouther her in kisses. When she's not fighting me, she looks at me with those big, beautiful brown eyes and there is so much love in those eyes. She's flirty and clever and... Perfect. You know, when she's not being a total pain in the ass.

Quinn is awesome. She's hot, popular and contrary to what you might think we get on so well. We're in the same social circle for starters, she's clever but not over bearing with it, we have loads in common and although we've never had the same passion that Rachel and I have, it's still nice. Quinn is safe. Yeah, safe. Rachel is scary and intense. Quinn is safe. But Rachel, well she takes an interest in me. What I like, what I don't like, what I want from life, my future. Quinn...Doesn't. When I'm with Quinn we talk about school and the Cheerios, football, parties, you know normal teen stuff, I guess. When Rachel and I were together, it's deeper somehow. She's never afraid to talk about anything. When we were in celibacy club together she _actually_ said girls want _sex_! Honestly, in front of everyone! She's, just so different.

I'd been mulling over what had happened between Rachel and I for a few days. After I'd kissed her in the hallway at school she'd given me an ultimatum.

_Rachel reacted perfectly, thrusting her hips into mine. If I'd ever been more aroused in my life I don't remember it. My hand travelled up her waist and grasped her wrist tightly above her head, she breathed a moan into me and started nuzzling my neck, sucking it and biting gently. Her hands moved from clawing at my shirt and back and caressed my chest, slowly, lingering on the muscles. As quick as the embrace had started she pushed me away. _

"_Finn," she said looking up at me, her deep eyes serious. I couldn't speak my brain was running over and over the scene that had just unravelled. "I can't do this," she continued, "you know how much I like you. And by the looks of it you like me too. But I can't do... this. I'm not going to sneak around, you have a girlfriend Finn. So... I'm just going to..." And she walked away. _

Ok, so it wasn't a true ultimatum. She didn't say "It's me or her", but that just made me like her even more, if that's possible. She didn't make it about her, or a huge ... thing. She just walked away; from me, from us. I knew then, as I watched her leaving down the hall, as I watched her hips moving and her skirt bouncing around her thighs. I watched her head bow in sadness and her hair swirling across her back. I knew then as I watched her and I was not overcome with sexual desire. I felt loss, liked I'd been dumped. I knew when I watched her and wanted, needed to hold her, to take away the sadness in her slow, purposeful walk. I knew then, that I had already made the decision, that she didn't ask me to make. It was her, Rachel Berry, not Quinn. I was choosing Rachel.

Quinn was avoiding me at school the next day. The paranoid part of me was starting to panic, did Quinn know what I had done? What I was about to do? We'd been a bit off over the last week or two, admittedly that was probably my own doing but I had no idea why I was suddenly getting the silent treatment. I ended up cornering her by her locker after lunch just before lessons started up again.

"Quinn, we, I need to talk. Um- " I was stuttering, and incoherent, so when she interrupted me I was almost grateful.

"Finn I need to talk to you too. I'm... I'm pregnant." Pregnant! My head went into slow mo, my vision was blurring and my hearing went fuzzy and distant, like when you tune an old fashioned radio.

"Pregnant?" I said aloud shaking my head, "how, mine?"

Quinn nodded, "Of course, who else's could it be?" This wasn't making sense to me, we were both virgins. Well I certainly was and Quinn, she's the president of the celibacy club!

"How?" My complete disbelief couldn't make me believe her. Quinn, me beautiful Quinn, who'd never lied to me, who was now carrying my child, who I'd cheated on, who I was about to break up with.

"Last month, in the hot tub?" Oh god, my mind shot back to that evening.

"But, but wait. We had out swim suits on!" I was still fighting her on this. If she was pregnant, my precious Quinn, then of course it would be mine.

I went into shock, I could see Quinn talking to me, explaining the ins and outs of getting pregnant without intercourse but I wasn't listening, I was staring at my feet and mentally beating myself up. How could this be happening? How could I be this unlucky? Why couldn't I just have one smidgen of control!? I looked back to Quinn, tears streaming down her cheeks, she looked so scared, so lost, it broke my heart to see her like that. I reached forward and pulled her into my arms, I'd be strong for her, for the baby. I was going to do whatever it took to make this work for the both of us. Whatever Quinn wanted me to do, I'd do it.

"What are you going to do? Will you... have a...?" I spoke as softly as I could. Quinn sniffed hard and shook her head into my chest. The sobs had stopped and I could feel there was a hot, wet patch on my shirt from her tears and heavy breaths.

So we were having this baby then. It was time to man up.

I was numb for the rest of the day, I don't remember any of my classes, I don't even remember going to them. I alternated from my mind racing and having mini panic attacks from complete nothingness, my body and mind just utterly incapable of processing anything.

At four o clock I knew I had to speak to someone about this. Quinn had gone home, poor thing was dead on her feet, exhausted, I don't think she'd slept in days. But the only one I could even fathom talking to about something this big was Rachel, and well, that seemed a little, a lot weird. I headed to the auditorium none the less to look for her. When I got there I saw Mr Schue and Tina working on her solo, God I didn't even remember the rehearsal where that bomb was dropped. I hesitated for a long while before going in. As soon as I saw Mr Schue he seemed like the perfect person to talk to, but I couldn't make myself go inside.

Suddenly the door opened and Tina walked out, "Hi Finn" she said politely. All I could muster was a brief smile. I took a deep breath and forced myself inside.

"Hey Finn!" Mr Schuester smiled at me. I broke down; the emotions finally boiling over, I cried, hot, terrified tears, as Mr Schue hugged me and I sobbed into his shoulder. When I look back on that moment, I'm not embarrassed or ashamed, although in my memory it's not Mr Schue that comforting me, it's my Dad. That was one of the few times in my life I remember thinking I really could have done with my dad.

Remember guys, please R+R, because if I don't know what you want out of this story then you won't get what you want =)

There aren't even nearly enough Finchel stories around so help me make this one good!

I love you all, even more if you reviewed =)

**JJ**


	4. Chapter 4

**Warning**: This chapter is why the rating is M

**JJ:** I own nothing, unfortunately.

**Rachel's POV**

Mr Schue was being a ... a ... well let's just say I don't normally like to speak ill of people but he was being a royal pain in the butt! He'd finally come back to glee club, but as some kind of punishment he'd given Tina the lead vocal in a _Westside Story_ number. Everybody knows that I'm Maria! I'd made that very clear to Schuester in the beginning. He'd tried to explain to me that he gave it away so as to boost people's confidence and encourage them not to get lazy and assume that I'd pick up the slack. But what I didn't understand is why I had to suffer. One day that man will find a way to inspire people without completely ruining my life!

I was just about to write the day off entirely as an utter failure when it picked up rather suddenly. "AUDITIONS!" written in big gold letters, surrounded but golden star stickers, the signup sheet was calling to me. Ms Sylvester and Mr Ryerson were putting on a production of _Cabaret_. This was it, my chance to be a star! If glee club couldn't appreciate my talent maybe the lead in the school musical would make them see. Who knows if it went well I might not need glee club at all. I could quit the stupid show choir, because, god knows I was too big for an ensemble anyway.

The more I thought about it the more the idea of quitting appealed to me. Don't get me wrong, Rachel Berry is no quitter but you have to do what you have to do, right? No one in the glee club was really my friend, they made it all too clear that they found me bossy and uptight and prissy and annoying. (I'm sure for certain people that list could go on and on). As for Finn, well since he'd clearly chosen Quinn, what did I have to lose?

After I'd got the lead in the musical I quit glee. Mr Schuester had tried to get me to come back but I didn't listen. I know he doesn't like me very much; it's just such a shame he's petty enough to let that affect his choices at glee club (very unprofessional if you ask me).

Another week passed and Finn hadn't said one word to me. Which I suppose didn't surprise me, or to be honest, didn't bother me much either. However, I did miss him terribly all the same. So you can imagine my surprise (and delight) when he proposed we go bowling, just the two of us. He said it would help me relax, and as I was definitely stressed out, I simply had to agree.

It was Friday night and I was dressed in one of my cutest cashmere sweater and skirt combinations. I was nervous as I'd never been bowling before (oh and FYI, if like me you're a bowling virgin, I suggest investing in your own shoes and ball. Did you know you have to share, with everyone? And they will just let anyone in that place!).

"Rachel," Finn hadn't really spoken much all evening, he'd been unusually quiet so his voice surprised me a little. Though I can't say I'd noticed the silence before now, I get chatty when I'm nervous. "I have to tell you something" he continued.

This was it, the 'make or break' moment. He was about to say he wanted me and not his Cheerio girlfriend or that this whole thing was a mistake, he didn't want to go bowling with me or ever see me again for that matter, I'm just a silly ex-glee girl that should leave him well alone.

"Well actually, it's more like a confession." Finn moved closer to me and we sat down in the hard plastic chairs, knees touching. "I was originally going to bring you here to trick you, kinda. Well I thought if I got you to be alone with me and I flirted a little you'd come back to glee."

My mind and body were numb. I think this is the only time I recollect ever being speechless. When he'd said "confession", my mind had immediately jumped to the worst possible scenario. Gay. Dying. Moving away. But to hear he was going to try and seduce me, that was just a little odd.

"Why?" was all I could muster up, as my confusion danced across my face. Finn's head fell into his hands, a sudden burst of raw emotion flowing through him.

"God, Rach." I could see the muscles tightening around his neck and on his shoulders and arms, his hands balling into fists at his temples. Whatever it was that was making him feel like this, so lost and confused, frustrated at himself and... trapped, at that moment I would have given anything to untie those knots in his muscles, to help him release whatever it was that had him so wound up.

I put an arm around him, stroking his back, "its ok Finn." I said as gently as I could. "You can talk to me," initially he shied away from my affection, flinching slightly at my touch and scoffing dismissively at my words of comfort.

"You don't understand, Rachel! You have no idea. I need glee. Like _really_ need it. And you, you just swan around being amazing and smart and talented-" he cut himself off. Mumbling under his breath and sighing heavily.

"You're right, I don't understand. Why do you need glee? Just _talk_ to me. I can help, I'm your friend." I continued rubbing his back, the muscles in his shoulders slowly but visibly relaxing. I put my free hand into his. He looked at it and hesitantly gripped it before looking up at me.

"The football team sucks. Hardly anyone ever gets a sport scholarship anyway, even on a good team. If I have even the slightest chance of going to college I will need a scholarship, so music, glee, is my only shot."

The shock washed over me and my mouth opened a little in surprise. For the second time tonight, and my life, I was speechless.

"No, I know what you're thinking right, long shot. But if we just get through Sectionals to Regionals. And maybe even Nationals we'll get noticed." His excitement was almost contagious. He'd turned his whole body to me and gripping both of my hands tightly he was looking at me straight in the eyes with expectant enthusiasm. He saw the doubt in me and turned away again disappointed. "Thing is, we're not as good without you. The only way to get through Sectionals is if you're in glee too."

As flattered as I was that he'd set this whole thing up just to get me back, I was still a bit confused as to why Finn was having a sudden panic about his future, something he'd never seemed too phased about before.

The night had got a little tense after that. Finn went back into himself, his brain visibly ticking over and thinking all the time. He refused to say anymore on the subject and we finished the game and ate our pizza in silence. I was at a loss as to what to do or say, not just about the deadly silence of the car ride home but about the whole situation in general.

Finn pulled the car up outside my house. A couple of seconds went by that felt like a lifetime, I decided it was probably best if I just went into the house, save us from anymore awkwardness. I reached for the door and felt Finn's hand grab my arm. His eyes were still facing the road, but very slowly he turned to me. "Please," he said, almost a whisper. "Please come back to glee, Rach. A side from the fact that you're like the most talented person I know, I, I really miss you." He let go of my arm, his eyes were so full of sadness, and it was heartbreaking.

There was so much going on in him, something he wanted and needed to talk about but something was stopping him. "Oh Finn," my hand fluttered up to his cheek. He raised a hand to mine and leaned into my touch. A sigh escaped my lips. Suddenly Finn's hands were on my shoulders and his lips came crashing down on mine. I smothered a groan. I had wanted this so much. His lips felt perfect on mine. My fingers traced their way up his chest and his neck and wound their way into his hair. He moaned into me. It was divine. Without thinking I climbed into his lap, straddling him and pushed him back into his seat, without breaking the kiss. Finn's hands moved to my hips and pulled them closer into his. I pushed rhythmically into him, loving the affect it had on us.

Hands searching, hips grinding, tongues dancing. This was my idea of heaven! I love Finn Hudson!

I needed his hands all over me. I grabbed at one and with my gentle guidance he hesitantly travelled up my body to my breast, where I'd been longing for him to touch me. We both gasped slightly at the feel of his huge hands grasping my supple bosom. He broke the kiss and looked straight into my eyes, looking for any sign of hesitance. But this is what I wanted. I needed him to touch me, I wanted his hands all over me, to search my body learning my form better than his own. I knew this was much faster than the virginal Cheerio would let their physical relationship go, and I didn't want Finn to think I was loose or easy, but God it just felt so good, having him massage my breasts and kiss every inch of available skin.

I pressed my body closer to him, a primitive lust flashing in his eyes and I felt his hardness grow larger against me. I moved myself so that I was grinding against him, a low moan rumbled from his chest. His head fell forward and he nuzzled my neck, inhaling deeply.

"God Rach, you're... uh, incredible. But... I, I have to go." He said, pulling away from me.

Disappointment ripped through me, I was so stupid. Finn does this every time! I'm an idiot for letting myself be drawn in by him, and then pushed away again and again. It was within me, a strong yearning need, a red hot hatred for myself and a love so deep, at that moment I knew I wouldn't have been able to let him leave, even if I tried.

I forced myself forward and our lips collided. I had expected to feel a little resistance but there was none. Finn kissed me just as passionately, just as deeply and desperately as I was kissing him.

In an almost frantic way we clambered into the back seat, with Finn above me I automatically pulled my sweater over my head followed by my tank top to reveal my bra and my spilling bosom. Finn buried his head into my chest, kissing me all over. He moved further south and my breath caught in my lungs. I knew he heard it because I felt him smile against my stomach and I was filled with joy. It was heavenly, Finn traced lines of kisses all over my abdomen and his hands caressed my bare thighs, moving higher and higher. His finger tips reached the hem of my skirt and slowly dipped under. My hips bucked at the sensation of Finn touching me in thus far uncharted territory, it was like nothing I could have ever imagined. Finn moved his kissing back to my neck and nibbled my ear.

"Rachel," he mumbled. "Rachel, I want you to know that this, all of this is completely new to me."

_I knew it!_ I stifled a scream of want, "Mmm, I know, me too."

"Yeah, but I just want you to know that I am a virgin. Me and Qu- well, I've never had any kind of... Nothing like this, I've never done it before. OK?" Finn had pulled away and was looking at me intensely.

"Err, yeah. OK. I know"

***

**Finn's POV**

The way Rachel kissed me, it was like nothing I'd ever felt before. It was like you could feel how much she wanted to be there with me. When she started moving into the back seat I had no idea what it was going to lead to. And then, when she took off her shirt and we started grinding, God it was so hot. She's got such a rockin' body.

But it was more than that, I'd been so confused lately about Quinn and our... situation. I'd ignored Rachel, avoided her for weeks and then without the slightest hesitation she'd agreed to go out with me. Rachel, who was always there for me when I needed her. Rachel, who never asked for anything in return, even though she deserves the world.

I still really liked her. I'd not gone near her, avoided situations that meant a lot of personal contact since Quinn had told me the news. It'd been even easier when Rachel quit glee. Easier not to see her that is, even harder not to miss her. I'd stayed away because I knew as soon as I saw her I'd want to tell her all about Quinn. The thought of keeping secrets from Rachel makes me feel sick. When I think about never being with her I get so stressed out and all this emotion spills out, I don't know whether to cry hysterically like a little girl or punch the crap out of the nearest wall.

It's like I just need to be with Rachel, to touch her, smell her, just to hear her voice. It'd been wonderful tonight just to hear her rabbiting on all evening, it had made it so easy not to think and just listen. I didn't want to say anything in case she stopped, and all the thoughts I'd been blocking out about the mess I'd made would come rushing back. She's so beautiful and smart and God, that voice, she's so talented and she sees the world as this really good, simple place. If you want something, then just go get it, kinda thing.

When she kisses me, I can't help myself, it's hypnotising and I develop this complete lack of self control. I could feel her hands travelling down my body, my hips jerked towards her of their own accord, responding to her soft thighs squeezing me and wrapping themselves around me. I felt her little hands dive under my belt and seize hold. I grunted loudly as she massaged my thoroughly neglected dick. Already rock hard, at her touch I swelled so much I thought my whole body was going to explode.

I could feel Rachel moving underneath me, my head screaming with expectant joy as I realised she was wriggling out of her skirt. In an expert move she released me from my pants and lifted one knee so I was closer to her. I shrugged off my shirt so we were lying skin to skin. Rachel licked her lips as she grabbed hold of one of my hands and thrust it between her legs. It was so hot; I had a real struggle keeping control.

I pulled the silky material away from her and slowly slid my fingers between her legs. But it was hard to concentrate on what I was doing; Rachel was rhythmically pulling expertly on me and squeezing in all the right places, kneading shudders of pleasure out of me. Looking at Rachel, she was the incarnation of sexy, throwing her head back and gripping my ass as she writhed below me.

I tested the waters and dipped my finger inside her, immediately she thrust her hips into me, I pressed in deeper and she bit her lip encouragingly. Adding another finger and moving slowly in and out, she moaned my name and her hands worked faster and tighter, both of us moving quicker and quicker. She screamed my name and I thought I was gunna blow my load all over her, right there.

It was like she read my mind. Rachel pulled me down onto her and pushing my hand out of the way she placed my tip against her. Instantly I thrust into her and we both moaned with pleasure. Fireworks went off inside me; I'd reached the Holy Grail. I pulled out and heard Rachel whimper and my body reacted as my brain was still savouring the perfection of that noise. I pushed back into her deeper and deeper.

I found a rhythm and we both grunted as I sped up, each thrust further and harder than the one before. Rachel's breathing became faster with me whilst she tore at my back and urged me on, biting my shoulder as she gasped and moaned wanting me. With one final thrust she threw her head back onto the seats, arching her back letting out a cry of ecstasy. I too climaxed and collapsed onto her heaving body, riding out our orgasms. We were both dripping in sweat, lying next to naked in the dark of my car, neither of us wanting to break the sheer perfection that was our first times.

**JJ**: A lot of this ended up on the editing room floor, so I hope this works.

I need reviews guys, this story has had such an incredible response I am so grateful, so thank you to everyone!! I want to know what you think, good or bad, you can only get what you want if you tell me.

**R+R=LOVE**


	5. Chapter 5

**JJ:** Hello all. I'm so happy that so many of you are follwing this. Thankyou to everyone who's put me on story alert and favourited this. You're all amazing.  
Although this is un-beta'ed thankyou to xxholladupxx for your amazing ideas and being there through my writer's block.  
This is a shamefully short update and I'm really sorry for that, but I should have another one up by the end of the day. I'm on a roll!

R+R = Love

I haven't had many reviews lately and I'm getting a bit worried your tireing of me. Stick ith me guys, it's getting good!

* * *

**Finn's POV**

I was still buzzing on Monday when I walked through the school hallway. My head was fuzzy with the memories of Friday night. All weekend I'd been on a high, functioning mainly on autopilot. I talked to my mum, ate, washed, saw Puck and the guys, but I wasn't really _there. _It's hard to explain but it's like even though my body is doing all this stuff, my head, it's somewhere else. It's still in the backseat of my car holding Rachel; like I'd done for hours, after.

Even through this feeling of... euphoria (that's a word right?) I knew I'd got myself into a royal mess with Quinn and the baby. Plus the fact that I was quickly falling head over heels in love with Rachel Berry. But it's not like any of this was planned I mean, Quinn and me, we'd never even had _sex_.

"Finn!" The sweet sound of Rachel's voice carried down the hallway. I smiled as soon as I heard it, my mind drifting back to her calling out my name, over and over and over-

"Finn!" My thoughts were cut short as she called out again. Huh, that's weird, she sounds mad. I turned around to see her storming towards me. She was mad, really mad.

SMACK

I couldn't move, I couldn't speak I just stood there like a moron looking at her and feeling the hot patch on my face where she'd hit me. Hard. I just stood there looking at her face as the hurt and the pain crawled across it, replacing the intense rage that had sat there seconds before.

"Pregnant," She hissed in disbelief. My heart stopped. Was she saying that she was..? "Pregnant!?" She spat out, looking me right in the eyes, the rage pouring out once again. Oh God she knew about Quinn. I panicked and pulled her into the nearest empty classroom.

Her eyes filled with tears and she yanked her arm away from my grip. She couldn't even look at me. My reaction had been evidence enough that I knew what she was talking about, and that it was all true.

"You are a liar Finn Hudson." Her voice was quiet, but stone cold. I flinched when she spoke, in many ways I knew that she was telling the truth. I'd known about the pregnancy and I hadn't told her. "You are a rotten scum bag liar!" She all but screamed, her voice ragged and unrecognisable. "You told me you were a virgin! Worse than that, you led me on practically implying you were untouched!"

"I am. I was-"

"Liar! What the hell is Quinn Fabray then, the Virgin Mary!?"

"No. Well actually, yeah. Rachel," I took a breath I was becoming flustered and anxious. "It's true, Quinn is carrying my child. But I absolutely promise that before Friday, before you, I was a virgin."

Rachel calmed down a little after that. She still wouldn't look at me, but she'd stopped yelling and listened to me. I told her that I was so sorry and I hadn't meant to lie to her. That it had been tearing me up inside not being able to tell her but Quinn had made me promise. I told her that that's why I needed Glee so bad. So I could go to college and do right by my kid.

"I, I understand all of that. I put two and two together when Kurt told me about the pregnancy- the whole of Glee club know by the way. But what I am struggling to comprehend is _how_. It is possible to get pregnant without having sexual intercourse. But you said that you and Quinn had never done anything, so how?"

"It's my fault, I, we were in the hot tub, making out and then I, er... Cinquo de Mayo" I shrugged awkwardly, talking about this with rachel is not what I had in mind about what we'd be doing today. Rachel looked confused at my terminology but I think she got it.

Rachel shook her head. "Wait, a hot tub?" I nodded. "Did you have your clothes on? And there was no... contact?" I nodded and shook my head to her questions, not entirely sure where she was going with this.

"Quinn said the hot tub is the perfect temperature for sperm, it makes the swim faster." I told her matter-of-factly.

"Finn, I hate to tell you this but that's nonsense. Um, I think you have to talk to Quinn. Honestly, there had to be another time when you two were together that you've overlooked in your analysis of this pregnancy. The reason that your... um... junk is on the outside of the body is because your body temperature is too high. Sperm wouldn't be able to swim through all your clothes and then into _Quinn, _especially given the heat of the water in a hot tub! You don't have to have sex but that's to say there goes have to be some kind of ... penetration"

"No. Rachel, I know you're smart but trust me with this" I shrugged her words off. I'm pretty sure she was trying to make me feel better, but she was doing a really sucky job. I was more confused than ever because that night was the closest me and Quinn have ever got to ... anything.

"Think about it Finn really think, was there any other time?" Why was Rachel pushing this so hard? God, she could be so bossy.

"Rachel please. Just stop Ok. I don't know what you're trying to do here but-"

"Seriously Finn, a hot tub? Think about it please. Talk to Miss Pillsbury or someone. Because I really don't think you can get p-"

"Rachel!" I said to her warningly.

"Finn!?" She yelled pleadingly. "Please Finn," she said calmly "Please. Listen to me. You have to talk to someone, anyone. You can't get pregnant the way you're saying she did. It's, I know at this age we're extremely fertile, hence why I had to get the morning after pill on Saturday, so this sort of thing wouldn't happen."

"You're so preachy. Oh perfect Rachel, she's so smart and so moral"

"What are you saying Finn? I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you, I'm sorry. I... I _beg_ you, if you do one thing today, you have to talk to Quinn, rack your brains togther. And then talk to an adult. Please"

* * *

**JJ: **I'm thinking of bringing Puck into the stroy. Don't worry I'm not having any Puckleberry in this, however much I think Mark Salling is a fine specimen of a man =]  
Would Finn go to Puck for advice about this? Or would he be so trusting that he'd go to Quinn first?

Help guys, I have an idea where I'm going with this chapter but I'd love you input!


	6. Chapter 6

**JJ: **I thought this chapter was going to come a lot quicker than this, I'm really sorry guys.  
But I guess when writer's block hits it gets you without warning. But oh well.  
I'm officially out of my slump and newly inspired not just for this story but for new stories on the way, so look out for that soon!

This chapter is all thanks to the AMAZING Heather, otherwise known as MewIchigoZoey. Who happens to be the author of many  
utterly fantastico stories, including my personal fave 'Can't Fight This Feeling' and if you haven't checked it out yet, shame on you! So go read it. Now!

Ok, with that said, I'd like to thank you again for sticking with me and I hope you like reading this as much as I love writing it! (Because I'm actually having so much fun!)

* * *

**Rachel's POV**

Finn had stormed out of the classroom leaving me alone and feeling like the worst person in the world. Not only had I accused the mother of his child of lying to him about the way her unborn child was conceived but of the paternity as well. But the more I thought about it, the more unbelievable the story sounded. It could have easily been the fact that I hated the idea of Quinn's belly swelling with motherhood, from the fruit of my beautiful Finn's loins that made me so adamant that she couldn't have got pregnant that way. I didn't believe necessarily that Finn was not the father, but that maybe there was another time when... I shuddered. I hated the idea of Finn and Quinn being physically or sexually close once let alone multiple times. Finn and I lost our virginity's together, that's an exceptionally special bond we both now shared. We belong to each other.

In that moment I knew I had to find him, to apologise to him. I didn't want to call him or her a liar. I needed to clear the air and help him solve this... this mystery or whatever was going on.

**Finn's POV**

Being in that classroom with Rachel was suddenly way too emotional. The thought that Quinn would lie to me made me feel sick. What I said to Rachel was out of line, I was so confused about what she was trying to say that I guess I just lashed out. I had to get my head straight.

Rachel didn't specifically imply anything bad about Quinn, and although I really like Rachel, Quinn is the mother of my baby so I'd got all defensive when she started asking questions. So, Rachel asked if there was any other time it could have happened. I racked my brains to think of a time when me and Quinn could have been close enough and naked enough to get her pregnant.

But Rachel said she was only pretty sure that you couldn't have got pregnant that way... so maybe you can? I really needed to ask someone about this because the alternative was too horrible to consider. If you can't get knocked up in a hot tub with your clothes on and there wasn't any other time where she could have, then..?

No, the alternative was just too horrible to consider.

But then who could I talk to?

I'd already told Mr Schue about Quinn, so there'd be no need to explain the whole story to him. I could ask Puck, I mean the dude's had more tail than any of the seniors put together. Puck does know, I told him about it almost as soon as I found out, although he was being especially douchie lately and I didn't want him making fun of me. There was no way I was asking Quinn, I felt like the biggest a-hole in the world even thinking that she might have cheated ...after what I did with Rachel.

Walking down the hall, straight to Mr Schue's office I was certain that he's the man to talk to about this. I mean, even though I didn't tell him the ins and outs (or lack of) for how I got into this mess, at least he wouldn't laugh at me and call me a pussy like... Puck!? He was the one guy I really didn't want to see at that moment but there he was, leaning against the wall of lockers, hands in his pockets giving me the usual smirk.

"'Sup dude?" He pushed himself off the wall and wandered lazily over to me. Class had already started, Monday first period Maths, it figured that he'd be bunking.

"Err, I was just on my way to see Schuester, about a ... um, glee club... thing." My lame ass attempt at lying didn't swim well and Puck just looked at me, cocking an eyebrow but not pushing it any further.

"Whatever, dude. Finn... I don't wanna get all gay and shit, but if you wanna talk, I'm here bro. Best buds ok?." Puck held out his fist for me to bump it. I shrugged, what the hell.

"I guess there is something that I've been kinda thinking about lately. You know um. You've had a lot of sex right?" Puck grinned and held out his arms in a kind of, Dude, of course, way.

"Well err... you've never got a girl knocked up, so I'm guessing you know, like, the ways it can and um, can't happen. Right?" Ok, I know I was rambling but this is Puck, _Puck_ he was totally gunna kick my ass if I sounded all gay and stupid! _Come on Hudson man up_, I thought to myself. Puck's your bro. I had to give him a chance, he obviously wanted to be there for me in some sort of way or he'd have bolted by now, either that or I'd have a dead arm.

Puck was looking a little uncomfortable when I bought up the whole baby thing. But before he could say anything I ploughed on. "Ok, so Quinn said that she got pregnant that night in the hot tub, we had our clothes on and there was no... Touching but I, you know and we'd been real close and like making and out and stuff." Puck was looking down and his feet, shifting his weight uncomfortably and had his fists firmly shoved in his jean pockets. "I guess what I'm trying to ask Puck, is that... you know, is that _possible_?"

"Yeah dude, whatever. I mean if that's what Quinn says, you gotta believe her, right? Cos, you know who else could it be, um. Wow, so I better get to class. See ya later man." With that Puck practically sprinted away from me, I didn't think he'd appreciate me pointing out he was running in the wrong direction to our maths class.

"Well, Finn. It looks to me that there might be more to the story than what you're telling us." I was sitting opposite Mr Schuester in his office, whilst he sat on the other side of the desk with Miss Pillsbury both looking exactly like I was feeling- wishing the world would just open up and swallow me whole. This was _the_ most embarrassing moment of my life... and that includes last week's performance of _Push It_, in front of the whole school.

I'd told them three times now about the only time Quinn and I had ever been, almost intimate. I was beginning to sound like a broken record. I couldn't count the amount of times I'd told this story already this morning.

"It does seem a little... farfetched. I've never heard of anyone getting pregnant like that Finn" Miss Pillsbury sat ringing her hands and looking at me in that sad, concerned way that she does. She looked to Mr Schue.

He took a real deep breath and opened his mouth like he was about to say something, but stopped himself. Another big breath and a theatrical sigh, I scratched a head to hide my eye roll. "Finn, I think you need to have a talk with Quinn."

My stomach was churning. The little meeting this morning had given me the answer that I was so desperately dreading. Pounding down the hall, I knew her schedule off by heart so I knew she'd be coming out of English now; I just had to wait it out. Suddenly I was dragged into the same empty classroom I'd taken Rachel in this morning. My fists were already balled to fly out at the person stupid enough to mess with me now of all days. My hands reached out and grabbed at a tiny, slender wrist.

"Rachel?"

"Please, Finn!" My anger ebbed away a little as I saw Rachel, my Rachel looking so sad and desperate. A hand reached out to stroke her cheek as tears appeared in her eyes. "Before you go out there and accuse Quinn of something terrible and unforgivable, I'd just like you to remember that you... _we_, did that exact same thing. Ok?"

Rachel's mention of Quinn's possible, no probable... _definite_ infidelity made my blood boil once again. My hands balled themselves into fists so tight the bones in my knuckles threatened to break through the tight, white skin. I turned abruptly and stormed out of the classroom. I could hear Rachel's distressed intake of breath at my sudden departure. In the now crowded corridor I stalked towards where I could see Quinn giggling with some other Cheerios.

Behind me I could hear Rachel's frantic cries out to me but I didn't listen. I reached Quinn and grabbing her hand to pull her whole attention to me I seethed with the knowledge of her betrayal.

She tugged herself from my grip, "Finn," her smile faded as she looked into my eyes.

"Who?" Was all I could spit out. The anger pouring from me. My ears were so in tuned to Rachel now that I was made aware of her presence just a few steps behind me whimpering and I knew she was crying. A crowd had started to form, I stepped back and straightened up to look at Quinn properly. Her eyes darted between me and someone standing behind me, shaking her head in anxious disbelief. Turning to look behind me I saw Rachel. She looked so scared, so guilty as her gaze flickered between Quinn, me and... Puck.

"You!" I yelled out and ran towards Puck, tackling him to the floor and pummelling his face with punches. All I could hear was Puck's grunts of pain and my own exhales of effort to hit him as hard as I possibly could. Quinn and Rachel were screaming, their sound, their frightened urgent voices reached some part of me because my smallest moment of hesitation was enough for Puck to shake me loose and for Matt and Mike swoop in and drag me away.

"What the hell dude!?" Puck was angry and already bruised with a bloody lip.

"I wanna hear it from you," I spat at Puck, "I wanna hear it from both of you!"

"What's going on here!?" I heard Schuester shouting from behind the crowd.

"Finn," Rachel stepped forward putting her tiny hand on my arm.

"No they're both lying to me!" I pulled away from her touch automatically and wrenched myself from the grip of Mike and Matt. I was frenzied, my head was spinning and I was feeling sick to the teeth with hurt and betrayal. "Just tell me, is it ...is it true? Is it true?"

The hall was suddenly quiet. Everyone had seemed to back away from me and there was only Quinn in my eye line. Tears were running down her cheeks and her whole face was contorted in complete despair. She took a few steps toward me.

"Yes," she choked out between sobs. "It's true. Puck is the father."


	7. Chapter 7

**JJ: **Gosh I truly am spoiling you! Two chapters in as many days!

Well actually I'm spoiling myself. I'm addicted to writing this story =]  
It's coming to a natural end soon, I'm not sure how many chapters this wee baby has got left in her, but it'll be my first complete story!  
*cheers*  
I never thought the day would come, especially after my recent bout of writer's block.

Anyway, enough from me, this chapter starts exactly where the last one did...

* * *

**Rachel's POV **

When Finn had left the classroom I knew almost instantly what I needed to do. I had to find a resolve for this little mystery. Finn was now on a hunt for answers to how he could have impregnated his girlfriend; I however was not so naive. It seemed glaringly obvious to me that what I was looking for, was the father.

Ignoring the bell I stepped gently into the hall and followed Finn toward Mr Schuester's office. I'd never skipped class before, and this seemed as good of an excuse as any to do so. I rationalised it to myself that this was going to be far more beneficial to my future than American History; I know who the 30th president was... I think.

I stopped dead in my tracks. Finn was talking to Puck. I couldn't quite hear what they were saying. I had a quick mental debate whether to get close enough to hear or get out of the way and not be seen. The debate didn't last long because soon enough Puck was powering towards me looking like he was ready to kill. I darted around the corner; not wanting to encounter him when he was like this, I'd be lucky to just get a slushy in the face right now.

Puck rounded the corner, stopping when he saw me.

"Shouldn't you be in class, Berry?" he asked me. His voice didn't match his face. I could see that he wanted to be angry; I could hear the desperate need to put on this facade. But there was something missing behind his defensive wall, a lack of certainty, a hint that he was less sure of himself than he usually was.

"I'm running a bit late," I couldn't look at him. His eyes were so intense, there was something drowning him and I think I was beginning to understand what it might be. "I feel so sorry for Finn. He so wants to think good of everyone. He told me about Quinn, that's just one more cross for him to bare, another thing added to his list of worries. He just cares so much-"

My nervous ramblings were cut off by Puck punching the locker next to me. He was visibly shaking with anger. I was stunned into silence, for the first time in my life I think I was actually scared of this boy.

"Noah..."

"I'm so sick of everyone feeling sorry for _fucking_ Finn!" He was shouting. I knew it wasn't for my benefit, this outburst, so I stayed quiet. "He gets the sympathy, he gets the girl. God. It makes me sick." I just stared up at him. I opened my mouth to speak but he cut me off.

"And you, you're the worst. You're the leader of the Finn fan club. You shamelessly chase after him, even though everyone knows his girlfriend has a kid on the way!"

"But," I wanted to speak, to say something, anything. He was so close to me know. His voice was raised, every muscle in his entire body was tense and his face, his face contorted with anger was mere inches from mine.

"But what? Berry?"

"But, his girlfriend's pregnant"

"Yeah, I know. That's what I said." His eyes were boring into mine, it's like he could smell the fear seeping out of me.

"Yes. You said she's pregnant, but you didn't say it's his." I knew my words stunned him because he stood up straight and backed up a few steps, reinstating the distance between us.

His face fell, the anger seeped away and what replaced it was heart breaking. Reality, pure terrifying reality.

"Are you gunna tell him?" He looked at me with those intense eyes again, and I couldn't speak, tears sparkling into my eyes. "Are you going to tell him!?" He roared, closing the gap between us again.

"I ... I don't know. I... Puck-"

"It'll kill him, Berry. You think you know him but you don't." His voice was quiet but raw. "If you tell him it will _kill_ him" he repeated, and for the first time, I thought that he might actually care about Finn. The thought that Noah Puckerman could care for someone other than himself was unfathomable to me.

"We weren't going to tell him because it was just one stupid night. One massive mistake. Quinn chose him, ok? She's giving the kid up anyway. So there is no point in telling him. Do you think that'll make him love you? It won't. It'll just push him away, from everyone. No one will get him. And then we'll all be losers." Puck hit the lockers once again before stalking off.

The thought of Finn being as broken as Puck suggested he would be, made me feel ill. I didn't want any part in making Finn feel like that. I was panicking now; I didn't know what I could do to fix this. I knew it was me that planted the first seed of doubt in Finn's head, that it was me that pursued him and seduced him and practically threw myself at him whilst his girlfriend was pregnant but there had to be some way I could fix this. I just needed time.

The end bell rang.

I heard a door slam open. _No_. I ran around the corner to see Finn storming down the hallway towards Quinn's classroom. _God no!_ I had to talk to him. I saw an empty classroom and took my chance. Using all the strength I had, and the element of surprise I pulled Finn inside.

"Please, Finn!" I pleaded with him desperately. I didn't know what to say. I wrestled with telling him that I'd lied, that Quinn was pregnant with his child, that I didn't want him anymore? I just didn't want him going out there and burning all the bridges he'd built. I couldn't bear to think of the pain he was about to endure, the hurt, the betrayal. How could I be sure that after this, after he'd pushed everyone he's ever counted on, everyone he considered close to him away that he'd still want me, still trust me? How can I be sure that after this, I was going to be enough? All I wanted was for Finn to be happy.

"Before you go out there and accuse Quinn of something terrible and unforgivable, I'd just like you to remember that you... _we_, did that exact same thing. Ok?"

Finn's face turned into an unrecognisable mask of hate. He flew into the corridor, shoving his way through the crowd; I called after him frantically, desperately but to no avail. I spun around, searching the bustling hallway for someone, anyone to help.

Puck!

"Puck!" I practically screamed, running to him. I grabbed him and turned him in the direction of Finn, Puck's face was full of concern. "He knows, I think he figured it out, I don't know who told him, but you have to, you have to do something! Anything!"

Puck left me and ran toward his friend. I ran after them, still sick at what was about to happen. A crowd was starting to form, Finn's height made it easy to see that he was at the centre of it. I pushed with all my will to the front, whimpering when I saw Finn, my Finn, my gentle, wonderful Finn glaring at Quinn with her fist in an iron tight grasp.

Quinn looked at me, and we just stood staring at each other with the same, guilty, helpless look on our faces. I had just enough time to convey how sorry I was to her before our gaze flew to Puck. He'd stepped forward to mediate the situation. At that moment Finn flew at him pounding his face into the floor, both men were grunting with their respective efforts- Puck was thrashing trying to defend himself as Finn put all the force his incredible bulk could manage into his fists that were flying at Puck. Quinn and I jumped forward screaming and crying. This was such a mess; I'd made such a huge mess of everything. Two football players leapt in and dragged Finn kicking and yelling from Puck.

"Who told him?" Mercedes was angry and looked pointedly at me.

"It had to be Rachel, we only told her this morning!" Kurt looked at me like I was something you picked off the bottom of your shoe. _No_!

"Finn," I begged gently but he pushed me away, this was entirely my fault, and he knew it.

"No they're both lying to me!" Finn wrenched himself from the grip of Mike and Matt. He was like a frenzied animal, his chest was heaving from the exertion. He spun away from me to look at the two who'd hurt him. "Just tell me, is it ...is it true? Is it true?"

The hallway was suddenly quiet; a deafening silence came over the crowd. Quinn walked a few steps forward to Finn. A hand on her barely there belly and tears pouring down her cheeks.

"Yes," she choked out between sobs. "Puck is the father."

Finn let out a roar like a wounded animal. He looked between me and them. "Screw this!" He spat out, rage over coming him. His hands flew up and pulled at his head. "I'm done with you!" He screamed, "I'm done with all of you!"

And with that Finn left. Without as much as a glance back at the pile of defeated people he'd left in his wake.

* * *

**JJ**: I love this chapter; I just love how different Finn and Rachel's experiences of the same event were! God, don't you absolutely adore Rachel Berry!?

I think I know exactly where to go from here. I already have the next chapter drafted and typed.  
But I don't want to upload it until I get your feedback. I want to know where you think this should go next.  
If your ideas are better than mine, they're going to be shamefully stolen =]  
Reviews are love guys, and you know how much I crave them.

And in case you're wondering, the 30th president was Calvin Coolidge.  
Haha, eff you Mrs Bassett, I did learn something in your joke of a class.


	8. Chapter 8

**JJ: **I'm very naughty, I know. I'm so so so sorry this chapter is delayed.

But darn it, real life just seems to get in the way and I lost my mojo.

Not a good excuse, I know but it's the only one I got. Sorry.

So, here we are; last chapter. I don't know if I'll do an epilogue, there's always something to be said about just leaving it unsaid, you know. However if you guys want it enough then of course I'll do one.

I'm here to please.

MASSIVE thank you to MewIchigoZoey who without, this story would be dead in the water.

**Rachel's POV**

It had been two weeks. Two weeks since Finn had talked to me, two weeks since he'd come to glee practice. Two weeks since he'd turned up to school even. I was so worried about him. I'd tried to contact him as soon as it happened but after days of getting my calls ignored and my texts unanswered I'd got the message and the last words he'd said to me would go reverberating around my head. _"Screw this, I'm done with you! I'm done with all of you!"_ I had cried myself to sleep every night since he'd stormed out of the hall and out of the doors of McKinley. I was starting to think that in that moment he'd stormed out of my life as well. God, I hate to say it, but Puck was right. _Puck_. He'd told me that by letting Finn find out the truth that I wasn't just hurting him to help him in the long run, but breaking him forever. Well, he didn't put it as eloquently as that. I could still remember his cold glare driving through me, his face so close to mine. It made me sick. His words taunted me, _"there is no point in telling him. Do you think that'll make him love you? It won't. It'll just push him away, from everyone. No one will get him. And then we'll all be losers."_ Well I was certainly feeling it now. In all my 16 years, I'd never felt more like a loser. I'd crawl in to bed at night and pray for Finn's forgiveness, I'd lie there and imagine his big arms around me, hear him whisper loving words to me and I'd start to drift towards sleep, happy. Until reality came crashing down and I would weep into my still damp pillow for the boy, now broken. The boy I'd broken.

I must have reflected the mess that I'd caused because when I came downstairs Friday for breakfast my fathers stopped me.

"Rachel, your Dad and I are becoming increasingly worried about you."

"Yes, Dear. You've always taken such pride in you appearance, and well... you seem to be slipping more and more by the day from your impeccable routine as well."

"You're staying up later and later and you haven't woken early enough to do your elliptical workout in days. And Honey, when was the last time you blew dry your hair?"

I looked into the eyes of my loving fathers. If only they knew. My dad's were pretty open with me and encouraged me to be the same way but there was something about the whole, "Well actually there is something wrong daddy, I finally seduced the boy I've been lusting over and after one night of the most incredible sex, I convinced him his pregnant girlfriend is carrying another man's baby and now he is a broken shell of a man who hasn't seen or talked to anyone in two weeks," conversation just wouldn't sit well with them.

Nonetheless they were right. I was so worried about Finn and my broken heart that I'd let everything else take the back seat. But that just wasn't Rachel Berry. Rachel Berry is a star. Rachel Berry takes the bull by the horn, tackles adversity head on! I looked up at my fathers doing my best to look sick

"I guess I have been feeling a little run down lately. Do you mind calling in the school sick for me, Daddy?" One lie couldn't hurt. Plus, I'd need the day to plan my attack.

"Of course Sweetie, you take the weekend to recover, are you sure it's not something more serious?" A pang of guilt waved through me, the look of concern on their poor faces as they fussed over me, checking my temperature with the back of their hands on my forehead, rushing to the kitchen to make me a sweet tea. They shouldn't be worrying about me, I was a monster.

After convincing my dads to go to work, that I just needed some time out and bed rest, I ran upstairs to my room and pulled out my laptop and quickly opened up iTunes. I already had a plan in the works and I needed the perfect soundtrack. Typing in 'Sorry' to the search bar at the top I flipped through the songs...

Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word – Elton John

Sorry's Not Good Enough – McFly

Daniel Bedingfield

Jonas Brothers

Taylor Swift

...None of them seemed to be able to say what I really wanted to convey. And then there it was- the perfect song. I almost burst into nervous, hysterical laughter when I saw it, it seemed too good to be true, the most perfect lyrics, that I know he'd like because I'd seen this band on his iPod before now. It energized me, the sluggish nature I'd developed since that day left me instantly. It was incredible.

I spent the whole day after that rehearsing and rehearsing. I was no stranger to perfecting a song in a day; my myspace videos were proof enough of that. But this was different; I wasn't just learning this to expand my already impressive bank of songs, I was doing this for the man I loved, for forgiveness.

There was a desperation in my voice that wouldn't shift even after the hours of nonstop practice. Even Dad and Daddy noticed it. When they returned Friday after work they were visibly pleased to see me singing again but I knew they heard the raw emotion coming from behind my locked bedroom door and I know it scared them, it scared me.

After dinner and a long and painful conversation with my fathers about teen depression and other related disorders – where I had to convince them whilst I had been sad over the last couple of weeks it was merely stress related and I did my best to put on a display of the ol' Berry Charm to get them off my back. I think it worked because when I grabbed some things from my bedroom and raced down the stairs they seemed delighted that I was getting out of the house.

"Dad, Daddy, I'm going out for a couple of hours. Going to catch up with the Glee kids ... to get the work I missed today and you know... Glee stuff. Ok?" I'm a lot better than that at lying normally. Not that I lie often, I'm just a good public speaker and from years of being on the debate team I'm very good at thinking on my feet.

"That's wonderful, Sweetheart"

"Yes, Honey. Don't be out too late. Looks like taking the day off did you the world of good!"

Jumping into my car I put the CD I made for the backing music into the stereo for some last minute practise. My hands were shaking and my head was all over the place. As I pulled up outside Finn's house I had to shake myself to get a grip; realising I had no recollection of how I got there, I'd just gone into autopilot mode. Retrieving the CD I walked slowly up the small drive.

_Come on Rachel you can do this. Be strong, be confident, be yourself... well maybe not the last one so much. _

I hadn't realised that I'd knocked on the door but suddenly it opened and a woman with dark curly hair stood in front of me, she looked tired but seemed friendly enough.

"Hello, Mrs Hudson?" I asked nervously, the woman nodded, "I'm Rachel Berry, I'm in Glee Club with Finn, I was um, wondering if I could speak to him?" There was a long pause and Finn's mom looked as if she was debating it in her head.

"Yes, Rachel" she finally spoke. "Finn's mentioned you before. I hear you're very talented."

"Thank you. Your son is exceptionally talented too. But can I, would it be ok if I... saw him?"

"You can go up honey but as you probably know he's not talking to anyone at the moment. Please don't be too upset if he won't see you either." Mrs Hudson spoke so kindly to me, Finn obviously hadn't told her much, and I had half expected her to slam the door in my face when she found out who I was. Rachel Berry, the girl who broke her son. As I walked past her towards the stairs she put a hand on my shoulder and smiled at me sadly. It made my heart swell, I didn't deserve her sympathy.

Being in Finn's house was the most surreal experience. I could smell him, a distant scent of him lingered in the air, as I walked up the stairs old school photos of him, holiday snaps and childhood pictures hung on the wall. My eyes were welling up. It was easy to tell which was door led to Finn's room; it was the only door with old stickers of cowboys haphazardly stuck on it, plus there was loud heavy music blaring from inside.

With hesitant hands I knocked on the door. Nothing. Knocking a little louder I waited again, nothing.

"Finn?" I called quietly knowing he wouldn't be able to hear me. I turned the knob slowly and opened it a fraction. "Finn?" I called again. As I slowly opened the door I saw him. He was lying on his bed with his back to me, hair damp from coming out of the shower, wearing nothing but a pair of boxers. Seeing him after a week of nothing did things to me I didn't expect. My heart began to swell with all the love and sorrow I'd been harbouring as my stomach churned with raw undeniable guilt. A small gasp escaped my lips, even through all the emotional turmoil my stupid teenage hormones still insisted on making my ache for him.

Finn looked up from whatever he was doing and turned to me.

"Rachel?"

**Finn's POV**

I heard a small gasp that was unmistakably Rachel's. At first I thought I had imagined it, there was no way she'd be here now- not after all the ignored phone calls and skipping school. But when I turned around I saw her there, Rachel, standing in my bedroom and looking terrified.

"Rachel?" I had to make sure I wasn't imagining her. I sat up so my feet hit the floor and stood to come closer to her. I reached out a hand and she worked hard not to show her recoil. I let my hand drop to my side. My chest ached seeing her here, seeing her scared to be around me, flinching away from my touch.

Rachel stood, still in the doorway looking down at the worn carpet. With a deep breath she seemed to decide something and looked up at me, straight in the eyes. She had that look on her face, a look of will and determination. She held out her hand and for the first time I noticed she was carrying a CD case. My confusion must have shown on my face because she said: "It's a CD, I have a lot of things to say and I... You need to hear my out." Her voice was loud and confident, her little face was screwed up with defiance and she looked around her. "Um... do you have a stereo?" she said a little meeker than before. I pointed to my desk and went to sit on the bed.

Placing the CD in carefully she turned to me and the soft tones of a piano filled the air. Recognising the song I smiled, she'd really thought about this.

_"Everybody needs a little time away," I heard her say, "from each other." _

_"Even lover's need a holiday far away from each other." _

_Hold me now. It's hard for me to say I'm sorry. I just want you to stay._

Her voice drifted towards me, tears sparkling in her eyes as she sang to me the lyrics of _'Hard To Say I'm Sorry'_ by one of my favourite bands – _Chicago_. Her meaning was still unclear to me though.

_After all that we've been through, I will make it up to you. I promise to. _

_And after all that's been said and done, _

_You're just the part of me I can't let go._

Suddenly understanding grasped me, she was saying sorry. That was obvious, but the reason for pain in her voice, her urgency to get the words out, the sorrow was that she thought this was all her fault. It had to be. She thought I was mad at her, she...

Standing up I walked towards her. Looking at me right in the eye as she sang the next line I stood right in front of her. This time she didn't back away. I reached out to her waist and pulled her towards me. A tear fell down her cheek, with my free hand I reached up and wiped it away, moving my hand to her chin I pulled her face up to look at mine. She'd stopped singing but the music still played softly in the background.

Leaning down to her I placed a soft kiss on her lips. It wasn't enough. The aching I'd felt as soon as I saw her, the need to touch her grew and grew.

"Finn..." she moaned. God, what Rachel did to me was agonising and she didn't even realise it. Every move and breath every syllable made me want to rip all her clothes off and throw her onto the bed.

"Shh, Rachel. I know you blame yourself but I don't. None of this was your fault. I should be the one apologising." I leaned in and placed another kiss on her lips. Moving to her cheeks and the to each eye lid, kissing away the tears that threatened to fall.

"You, you said you were d- d- done with me," Rachel choked out.

"No," was all I could manage to say, holding her close to my chest. I never said that. I hadn't talked to her, how could I have said that!? My mind raced back to the day, that moment that I had spent the last weeks trying to forget. _"Screw this, I'm done with you! I'm done with all of you!"_ Oh God! Rachel. Suddenly the pools of sadness in her eyes, the desperate edge to her voice, the way she couldn't look at me all made sense. "God no! Rachel," I put my hands on her upper arms and held at arms length, bending slightly so I was in her eye line. "Rachel, that was to _them. _They were the ones that hurt me, they betrayed me, not you. Jeez, Rach. I love you! The fact that you told me, you showed me the truth proved to me that it's you. It's going to be you, always now." I was babbling but it seemed to do the trick. Rachel was looking at me, her smile beaming through the tears. "I love you," I said again. At that moment I couldn't have said it enough.

Pulling her flush to my chest I kissed her. This time more passionately than before. She sank into me, running her fingers up my bare back. Not breaking the kiss I picked her up he gently put her down on the bed. Settling next to her I ran my hands down her side, resting on her hip. She arched her back so her body was pressing against mine. Moving my kisses down her jaw, to her neck and across the exposed skin of her chest, I heard her breath catch in her throat and she moaned my name, wanting, needing more.

Rachel sat up and took off her sweater. Pushing me onto the bed she ran her fingers up my chest digging her nails in as she made her way down to my stomach. She made trails of kisses following her exploring hands. Her hands made their way slowly further and further south. When her mouth reached the top of my boxers she looked up and smiled devilishly at me. Groaning and unable to stop myself my hips bucked towards her. She reached around and pulled them down slowly, kissing the flesh as it was exposed. Sitting up slightly, her eyes widened as my erection stood tall in front of her. I closed my eyes and my head fell back as she began to massage it with her skilled fingers. I felt her hair fall against my stomach before I felt her beautiful, full lips wrap themselves around my rock hard cock. My eyes flew open so I could watch her as she pulled away, sucking hard before leaning forward and taking me in her mouth deeper and deeper. Her tongued swirled around, playing with my tip. My hands balled into fists and grabbed at the sheets. I watched her work on me from where I was, pinned to my bed. I watched her moving, leaning over me, urging me on with her mouth, teasing me as her breasts moved under her shirt. God she was so sexy.

I knew I was about to go.

"B...baby...I'm gunna," I barely blurted out before a loud groan rumbled from my chest.

"Mhmm," she mumbled against me. I thought that after my warning she'd pull away but she simply muttered the two hottest syllables I'd ever heard and it sent me over the edge. I could feel myself surge and Rachel's hold on me only got tighter.

Rachel pulled away and looked at me as she swallowed and wiped the corner of her mouth.

"That's my girl," I whispered as I leant forward to grab her and pull her onto me. "You're turn."

**JJ**:Well there we are, stories over. I really hope I didn't disappoint. I loved writing this story. I have a few more on the story board at the moment but will probably take a little break before posting the next one, hopefully that way I'll be able to give you quicker, more regular updates.

Thanks again to everyone who reviewed, you guys keep me going. (That's you xxkissesandcuddlesxx – my most loveliest who I love!) And I still want to hear your opinions on this last one so one last shameless plug for reviews and I'll love yuou and leave you. Thanks


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